On family
The term family is loaded for me. For a long time, I’ve used village when what I really meant is family, because my family, as society would define it, is pretty well FUBAR.
Society’s unhappy with the village construct and I spend a lot of time explaining who these people are to me and committing Boilerplate Activism as I make new boxes for myself to check off and add paragraphs of explanation for who to call and who not to call in case something terrible happens to me and someone needs to know about it.
Sometime in the next few years, turtle and I will embark on the journey to add kids to our family. I don’t know how that will all play out, but I’m hopeful and excited, despite all of the additional stuff we’ll need to do to get there. It would be great if it were easy for us to do this—if sperm weren’t costly and complicated to secure, if we wouldn’t have to decide whether or not to lie in order to be able to adopt, if we could both be legal parents to our children, if it wouldn't cost a bunch of extra money to draw up papers to give us some semblance of security and protection as a family.
Most days, though, it just is. This is the family we’re building and it is what it is—full of goofiness, amazing food, glitter and silly cats; visited by tears and the occasional hairball; complicated by society’s blind spots and biology’s shortcomings; and bursting with hope and promise for what will be while enjoying and giving thanks for what already is.
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6 comments:
If the food is amazing, it must be for real!
Glad things are goin so well.
Beautifully said, frog. Thanks.
Good luck on your future endevours of adding children to your family. I linked to you through Maybe expectant and love that you are episcopalian....I have just joined a new church and have been journeying through my faith in the past year or so.
Hey, Frog, glad to hear things are going well. You give me hope in my own romantic life. I am a lawyer and it made me sad to hear of the legal costs that could be an impediment to your happiness. I don't know anything about the kind of papers you would need, or I would volunteer to help you myself, but I did find this information online--a lawyer referral service for Gay and Lesbian rights issues: http://www.glad.org/infoline/LRS.shtml
There are lots of others--this is just one I tracked down. I'm guessing you could find someone to give you the legal security you need for free or at a very reduced rate.
ok.. prepare for the advise from the parent of a teen ;)
remember... sperm may be expensive, but college is RIDICULOUS!
:)
have fun!
Sperm in general are not expensive, I don't think--I could probably come up with several people who would be willing to effect a sort of, um, personal donation for free. It's only the sperm you WANT that are expensive.
I had never really thought about sperm donation before, at least not from the sperm-recipient's end of things, but now that I do, it seems kind of neat to me that one of the benefits of in vitro pregnancy is that you don't have to have sex with the sperm donor. So you're paying, in part, for the privilege of not having sex.
I wish you luck, frog. And money, since it looks like you're going to need more of that than het couples would. All evidence suggests that you'll be a great parent.
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