frog decorates her room in hell
I have more than a small fascination with hell. I have this idea, which started with a very long-running joke that some friends of mine shared, that we’ll each have a room in hell. If we’re lucky (or unlucky, as the case may be), a suite. And in that room in hell will be everything that we could not stand, at all, this time around.
My room in hell will feature very lacy curtains on the windows, which will look out onto the windows of the much happier and normal neighbor’s place. There will be spiderwebs in the corners, and centipedes scurrying along the molding. There will be wallpaper—Tommy Hilfiger wallpaper. Photos of people who have mullets will adorn the walls, the monotony of which will only be broken up by large paint-by-number prints of weeping clowns. Enya, “Onward Christian Soldiers,” the Macarena, and Peaches and Herb singing “Reunited” will be on endless loop on the sound system. The TV will carry nothing but “All in the Family,” televangelists, and infomercials for workout equipment. There will be large, slobbering, smelly dogs lolling about, drooling on my things. I will not be allowed to wear shoes, despite the layer of grime and hair on the floor. Every dish I ever eat will feature (you knew this already) cilantro and it will all be way too spicy and salty. I will be forced to wear blends. There will be no ceiling fan, no ESPN, and no Oreos.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about my room in hell, lately, and I think it’s a little bit of a reaction to having the opportunity to live however I want to live. What does that really mean? Have you ever thought about it—really thought about it? How would you decorate, if you could decorate however you wanted? How would you grocery shop? Would you really shop once a week, like clockwork, off of a list so you’d never run out of things? Or would you shop when you were moved to shop, buying linguine just because it’s a fun word to say? How would you set your table? Do you use the placemats because you love them, because you want to, or because you think it’s expected? What about the dishwasher detergent? Have you always wanted to try the little tablet kind, but haven’t because, well, that’s just not what you use?