And then there were kids
It's no secret to anyone who knows me even a little bit that I enjoy (most) kids. For a long time, I thought it was just toddlers, but then Small Friend O wasn't a toddler any longer and I still loved the hell out of her and she continued to think I'm quite excellent, so I had to broaden my category.
Small Friend O--she's done that a lot for me, really. Meeting and loving that child was the first time as an adult that I really considered the possibility that I might parent one day. It wasn't just that I love her so much, she'd flat-out ask me when I was going to be a mama, and on one memorable lunch outing, she sat across the table from me, all of five years old or something, and said, "Aunt Terri, have you ever thought about adopting a toddler? I was adopted as a toddler and it's worked out quite well for me."
Just before I met turtle, I'd started charting and I was up front with her about the fact that I was on the road to single parenthood. She could choose to stop seeing me, she could choose to date me and have nothing to do with whatever kid(s) appeared for me, or we could explore the possibility of having a family together. We went with option three, then crashed and burned in a most spectacular fashion. I didn't get pregnant. She changed her mind. She changed it back. I still didn't get pregnant. I spent a lot of money on Swim Teams. She spent a lot of money on other stuff. I didn't get pregnant some more. She fell out of love with me. I wanted to make it work. It didn't work, none of it worked, and we called it quits last fall.
As long-time readers know, in March I had a horrible bout of depression, one that included lots of suicidal ideation and during that week I came to grips with the fact that I couldn't parent. It simply wouldn't be fair to bring a child into a home where their only parent struggles so much at times with depression. There was a tremendous amount of grief and prayer for me during the process of realizing that there wasn't going to be a child in my home, much less children.
A few months ago, Unagi showed up. She'd been at the edges for a long time, but she was a friend. She had a husband. She had kids. She lived on the other side of the country from me. Eventually, I noticed, though no gift of my own because I am SUCH a bonehead about that stuff, that she was interested in me. I found out she was relocating after she finished her masters degree. I found out that she was divorcing.
You see where this is going.
In about six weeks, Unagi will have arrived in my town for good, her ex-husband (the Large Primate) will have arrived in my town for good, and the kids (the Small Primates) will have arrived in my town for good. Initially, the four of them will live in the house she's buying in my neighborhood. Ultimately, she will move in with me and the kids will be with us part of the time and with the Large Primate part of the time.
Yesterday, the very best part of my day was thrifting for some fall clothes for the kids. I found fabulous stuff for great prices, and Unagi loved what I chose. Today, I'm washing the clothes, putting them on the kid-sized hangers I had in the attic, and hanging them in what will be their room.
I can't parent alone. I think I can parent with two other adults who already love the kids about to join my family.
Friday, July 03, 2009
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Tamika! PERSONAL!
Several weeks ago, now, I received the kind of email that all bloggers who are exactly like me dream about and hope for: A company contacted me and asked me if I was interested in reviewing sex toys on my blog. I asked them what was in it for me and when I found out that it's FREE SEX TOYS, you can bet that I said yes. That's what this post is, a sex toy review, so if you don't want to know this about me, skip it.
I sent them a short list of items I thought might be fun. They sent me this:
You can order one here.
It arrived in record time and I immediately tried it out--it's packaged with a satin drawstring bag and a little lipstick vibe that fits into the open part. The vibe did nothing for me--it's too small to pack much of a punch, either in the toy or on its own. The idea of getting the shaft to vibrate, though, was a good one, and I highly recommend using a better vibe to do just that.
The shape and texture are AWESOME for solo play. I really, really liked it.
My next step was to try it out with Unagi and get her input, so I packed it into my sneaker in my carry-on and off we went. At security at the Detroit airport, I knew something was amiss when they took forfuckingever to gaze at my bag through The Magic Television. Then I heard it: BAG CHECK ON ONE.
"Ma'am, I'm going to need to pat you down. Please put your arms out like this." I did so, and a small woman patted me down very carefully, finding (of course) nothing. She told me to stay where I was and walked over to The Magic Television, then took my bag to the end of the table. She unzipped the end pocket and pulled out a pair of sneakers, then three pairs of socks stuffed into one of them, then the satin bag out of the other. She held it vertically with both hands and looked at me.
"Oh! Personal?"
"Yes." I blushed.
"Tamika! PERSONAL!"
Tamika nodded, and said to her male colleague, "It's personal."
To which he replied: "You know, I thought maybe, but it was SUCH A WEIRD SHAPE."
By this point, I was laughing and told the woman who patted me down that I hoped she was grooving on this as much as I was. She smiled and said, "You have a nice weekend, now, hon," and winked. Cracked me up.
Unagi likes the toy, too, and is a particular fan of the little handle on the end of it. For me, it's not as good for couple play as solo, as I tend to like something a little larger when I'm not alone.
Several weeks ago, now, I received the kind of email that all bloggers who are exactly like me dream about and hope for: A company contacted me and asked me if I was interested in reviewing sex toys on my blog. I asked them what was in it for me and when I found out that it's FREE SEX TOYS, you can bet that I said yes. That's what this post is, a sex toy review, so if you don't want to know this about me, skip it.
I sent them a short list of items I thought might be fun. They sent me this:
You can order one here.
It arrived in record time and I immediately tried it out--it's packaged with a satin drawstring bag and a little lipstick vibe that fits into the open part. The vibe did nothing for me--it's too small to pack much of a punch, either in the toy or on its own. The idea of getting the shaft to vibrate, though, was a good one, and I highly recommend using a better vibe to do just that.
The shape and texture are AWESOME for solo play. I really, really liked it.
My next step was to try it out with Unagi and get her input, so I packed it into my sneaker in my carry-on and off we went. At security at the Detroit airport, I knew something was amiss when they took forfuckingever to gaze at my bag through The Magic Television. Then I heard it: BAG CHECK ON ONE.
"Ma'am, I'm going to need to pat you down. Please put your arms out like this." I did so, and a small woman patted me down very carefully, finding (of course) nothing. She told me to stay where I was and walked over to The Magic Television, then took my bag to the end of the table. She unzipped the end pocket and pulled out a pair of sneakers, then three pairs of socks stuffed into one of them, then the satin bag out of the other. She held it vertically with both hands and looked at me.
"Oh! Personal?"
"Yes." I blushed.
"Tamika! PERSONAL!"
Tamika nodded, and said to her male colleague, "It's personal."
To which he replied: "You know, I thought maybe, but it was SUCH A WEIRD SHAPE."
By this point, I was laughing and told the woman who patted me down that I hoped she was grooving on this as much as I was. She smiled and said, "You have a nice weekend, now, hon," and winked. Cracked me up.
Unagi likes the toy, too, and is a particular fan of the little handle on the end of it. For me, it's not as good for couple play as solo, as I tend to like something a little larger when I'm not alone.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Soon
I'm heading off in a while here to visit Unagi, who lives in Seattle. The last time I was in Seattle, I was 15 years old and visiting my dad's first cousin with my family. I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag in said cousin's home office. Even at that age, I was a world-class insomniac and there was a bookshelf and it didn't take me long to find the stash of Playboy magazines.
It was in that city, in that home office, where I realized in a profound way that my issue wasn't that I was broken, but that I'm a lesbian. My friends were all pairing up with boys and making out at parties and I just didn't understand what the draw was. I flipped through those magazines and a switch went off in my brain. I finally understood why my friends wanted to be with these boys and why I didn't.
My feminist politics are such that I'm not thrilled that porn is the way I figured all of this out, but it is what it is, and there's some sort of beautiful design to the fact that I'm going to reclaim Seattle as a fully formed adult, who will be traveling to see the woman with whom I am falling in love.
I'm heading off in a while here to visit Unagi, who lives in Seattle. The last time I was in Seattle, I was 15 years old and visiting my dad's first cousin with my family. I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag in said cousin's home office. Even at that age, I was a world-class insomniac and there was a bookshelf and it didn't take me long to find the stash of Playboy magazines.
It was in that city, in that home office, where I realized in a profound way that my issue wasn't that I was broken, but that I'm a lesbian. My friends were all pairing up with boys and making out at parties and I just didn't understand what the draw was. I flipped through those magazines and a switch went off in my brain. I finally understood why my friends wanted to be with these boys and why I didn't.
My feminist politics are such that I'm not thrilled that porn is the way I figured all of this out, but it is what it is, and there's some sort of beautiful design to the fact that I'm going to reclaim Seattle as a fully formed adult, who will be traveling to see the woman with whom I am falling in love.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Testifying about the past
I spent my morning in court, testifying before a judge to try to convince her that a loved one needs psychiatric care that she is unable to secure for herself. This person believes people are trying to poison her via food (so eats only packaged items and is ingesting around 800 calories on a high-intake day) and her laundry detergent and water. She thinks that a famous man is stealing her work and passing it off as his own. She cannot hold a job--she lost one not that long ago because she wouldn't sign the electronic device indicating that she'd received a package because she was concerned about being watched. She periodically thinks that parts of her body are melting off, sometimes because of the laundry detergent poison, sometimes for other reasons. She is scared and small and vulnerable.
The judge did not grant our petition, based on her right to liberty. And, you know, I understand that, but I also believe that this is a death sentence for her.
Part of me feels as though I betrayed her profoundly when I stated my name for the record and talked to that judge. I know that I didn't, that we did the right thing, that she needs help and cannot see her way out of this on her own.
I doubt I will have more news of her at any point--the ties are too distant and she hasn't trusted me for a very long time. It's a loss I'm not sure how to process, but I know that I will, with time.
I spent my morning in court, testifying before a judge to try to convince her that a loved one needs psychiatric care that she is unable to secure for herself. This person believes people are trying to poison her via food (so eats only packaged items and is ingesting around 800 calories on a high-intake day) and her laundry detergent and water. She thinks that a famous man is stealing her work and passing it off as his own. She cannot hold a job--she lost one not that long ago because she wouldn't sign the electronic device indicating that she'd received a package because she was concerned about being watched. She periodically thinks that parts of her body are melting off, sometimes because of the laundry detergent poison, sometimes for other reasons. She is scared and small and vulnerable.
The judge did not grant our petition, based on her right to liberty. And, you know, I understand that, but I also believe that this is a death sentence for her.
Part of me feels as though I betrayed her profoundly when I stated my name for the record and talked to that judge. I know that I didn't, that we did the right thing, that she needs help and cannot see her way out of this on her own.
I doubt I will have more news of her at any point--the ties are too distant and she hasn't trusted me for a very long time. It's a loss I'm not sure how to process, but I know that I will, with time.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
An update of sorts
Things are going well for me, overall. I'm happy in my job. Unagi is amazing--funny and sharp and kind and celebrated her new degree with fresh ink and an eyebrow piercing and at least once a day, I wonder where the hell she came from and how I got so lucky.
The cats--I have five, again, as turtle's living situation changed or something and her dad brought Sam, Lorenzo and Tamarind back to me--are doing all right, though the endless establishment of the pecking order gets on my last naked nerve. Lorenzo has a big scab on his chest and Kissa is just a damn maniac, stalking him around the house and yowling. I'm hoping to rehome Sam and Lorenzo, I'm just looking for the right place.
Last week I returned from my visit with Tali the Cute to find a stray cat with a badly injured back leg on my deck. I talked to him, he warmed up and I stuffed him in a crate and surrendered him to the vet. They told me that I could call the following day and check up on him, but I didn't need to--they called me about 90 minutes after I dropped him off to say that he'd tested positive for FIV and between that and his leg injury, they'd have to euthanize him.
Please keep your cats indoors--better for them, better for the environment, better for the songbirds, better for my heart.
Things are going well for me, overall. I'm happy in my job. Unagi is amazing--funny and sharp and kind and celebrated her new degree with fresh ink and an eyebrow piercing and at least once a day, I wonder where the hell she came from and how I got so lucky.
The cats--I have five, again, as turtle's living situation changed or something and her dad brought Sam, Lorenzo and Tamarind back to me--are doing all right, though the endless establishment of the pecking order gets on my last naked nerve. Lorenzo has a big scab on his chest and Kissa is just a damn maniac, stalking him around the house and yowling. I'm hoping to rehome Sam and Lorenzo, I'm just looking for the right place.
Last week I returned from my visit with Tali the Cute to find a stray cat with a badly injured back leg on my deck. I talked to him, he warmed up and I stuffed him in a crate and surrendered him to the vet. They told me that I could call the following day and check up on him, but I didn't need to--they called me about 90 minutes after I dropped him off to say that he'd tested positive for FIV and between that and his leg injury, they'd have to euthanize him.
Please keep your cats indoors--better for them, better for the environment, better for the songbirds, better for my heart.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
